Goodbye and good riddance 2021. We had some good times but I think it’s time to go our separate ways. Look, it’s not you, it’s me. To be completely honest, I’ve just outgrown you and I’m sorry to say this but, no we can’t be friends.
Last year was a pretty tumultuous year for my family and I, but it didn’t start that way. No, like every good rollercoaster ride ever created it started relatively smoothly. I had my New Year’s resolutions written down and memorised to a T. “Be a better friend”, “Make more time for my friends”, “Be on time for school”, “Be more organised”, “Make more time for God”, “Write more”, “Save more”, “Spend less”, “Yell less”, “Be a better Mum”, “Go on more date nights”…the usge (aka usual). Did I pray about it, um no. Did I go into the year wholeheartedly expecting that I was in complete control of everything, um yes. Have I learned this lesson on “control” more times than I can count, yes I most certainly have…You could say I’m a reluctant learner in this department.
Anyhow back to the rollercoaster. I was sitting back in my comfy seat, strapped in tight and gliding along the straight, sturdy rails that I had put in place and entrusted my life to. Like a naïve child, who’s never been to a theme park before, I was sat happily taking in all the sights and sounds around me. I even had time to empathise with all “those other people” screaming in the distance and holding on for dear life. Yes, my life was going just swimmingly. Like that victorious scene in Vacation – I was foolishly admiring the scenery from my high horse singing “Kiss from a Rose”. I had it all under control. Until I didn’t. Before I knew it I was upside down, hair in my eyes, vomit in my hair, tears streaming down my face all the while screaming for my life whilst simultaneously reassuring the kids that everything was fine. I was a mess, life was a mess and those resolutions I had memorised were as good as useless.
My life as I knew it had been turned on it’s head and there wasn’t a single thing I could do about it. I wasn’t in control, I didn’t even know where or what I was doing half the time, and without having any say in the matter 2021 became the year that I learned to humble myself and let go of everything!
“Be a better friend and make more time for my friends” – became – humble myself and receive help, not some of the help, but all of the help I could get from those around me.
“Be on time for school and be more organised” – became – just do the best with what you’ve got and don’t worry about what others may be thinking or saying. If you can’t be there or do that, just don’t.
“Make more time for God and write more” – became – pleading, begging, seeking, sobbing and receiving just to get through each minute of each day. I had nothing inspiring or newsworthy to write about nor did I have the energy.
“Save more, spend less” - became – scrimp and save every cent to try and get by.
“Yell less and be a better Mum” - became – nights locked in my bathroom with kids bashing on my door screaming and sobbing for me to come out. Family members visiting my house every morning and night to try and help the routine run more smoothly. Fist fights between kids and me becoming the kid’s personal punching, pinching, kicking bag on a daily basis. Social workers telling me to put my own trauma aside and deal with the kid’s trauma first. Family telling me I need to stop yelling so much. School telling me my kids have had too many absent or late days.
“Go on more date nights” – became – almost 6 months of not being able to talk to or see my husband. Separated, living apart and doing life completely on our own. Living life as single people whilst trying desperately to hold on to the remaining threads of our marriage.
Why am I telling you all this? Well, it’s the new year and a lot of us are gearing up to put our best foot forward and achieve something bigger and better than we did last year. I’ll admit, even I got swept up for a moment in all the “I want to’s” and “I’m going to’s” and the goal setting list was starting to look a little overwhelming already. See, I told you, slow learner. I quickly noticed myself starting to feel anxious about the year ahead. The “I want to’s” and “I’m going to’s” turned into “what if’s” and “how will I cope if”… I started to doubt I would be able to make it through another year like last year and we’ve barely even started yet! Is it just me? It’s not just me…right?
So, instead of making goals and lists and plans for the future I decided to take a moment to write down what I learned and achieved in 2021. I then went on to write down what I have learned, achieved and enjoyed in the first week of 2022. To my delite, although not at all surprising, I felt better about myself, my family, my marriage and the impending year. So there it is, my New Year’s Resolution, take a moment each week to humble myself and acknowledge my achievements from the preceding week.
Some of you might be taking the traditional new year’s resolution route; lose weight, get healthy, get fit, travel more etc.. Others might be taking a more mental health focused approach; focus on a passion, give a compliment a day, find joy in the simple things. There’s really no right or wrong answer here…UNLESS…you are already feeling anxious about living up to your own expectations of yourself. Then it’s all wrong. I’m talking to myself here! Set yourself small goals over short periods of time and don’t forget to take a moment to humble yourself and acknowledge what you’ve achieved so far. It may not be what you set out to achieve, it may not be what you expected to achieve but it is an achievement and it is worth celebrating.
Today my goal is to take the kids out to do something fun next week and to take a moment to write down the achievements of the week. It’s not much and you may have the capacity to do far more, maybe I do also, but if 2021 taught me anything it was the importance of prioritising small accomplishments over inspirational ambitions that left me feeling like a failure.
I pray that this post blesses you and gives you the permission you needed to pat yourself on the back because you deserve it! Congratulations on making it through another year. I, for one, am cheering you on with pom poms and all.
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